my mind is a hurly-burly snarl today but somehow, through the tumult, only two thoughts emerge. the same two thoughts over and over and over and over again. the first pulled consciously from a text by Pema Chodron.
Fear is a natural reaction to moving closer to the truth.
it is appropriate that my chest does not expand normally, that i can feel the tightness thrumming along and through my jugular veins. this does not mean that something bad will happen. it merely means that truth is coming. my 'job' is to remain open for truth to come in and, if necessary, to lean into the sharp point so we may move forward in our journey.
today is the day...
this is what i have been hearing since i woke this morning. it started as a murmur, a fragment. at first it seemed ominous. you know - "today is The Day." as the hours have crawled and slithered past, however, i have been hearing more and more of what is being called to me.
today is the day that the Lord has made.
as the words grew louder, my mind bucked against them. how vapid. inane. unhelpful. after all, every day is a day the Lord has made. today is not particularly different in that regard. stupid. my mind has just gotten stupid with anxiety.
it took another hour or so for my Ego to shut up, for the madding din to part and reveal what was hidden.
today is the day that the Lord has made. let us rejoice and be glad in it.
it is not quite as written in Psalm 118:24, but this is what i am being Told. it seems absurd, almost offensive, to hear at first while the demons batter the gate but this is, in fact, the Truth.
no matter what we learn, no matter what happens from here forward, today is a Gift.
Andrew and i are madly in love and together. we are carried in the hearts of untold legions of friends and family. we continue to receive Divine succor as we tread on the path before us through the valley back into the light.
this does not mean it is not scary. it is, in fact, more than terrifying but the Truth has already come, and It will see us through. and so, though i cry while i type, i enjoin you to join me in celebration for
Today is the day that the Lord has made. Let us rejoice and be glad in it!
Update: the news is in!