Monday, August 14, 2006

two minds meet

today i grieve for her death.
today i rejoice in her birth.

today i see the ship battered by the seas and winds of her last voyage.
today i see the ship as trim and fine as when she was first made.

today i hear her laughing at a story just beyond the veil - ha. ha. ha. - each laugh its own statement, punctuated and clear.
today i hear her chuckle aloud as she read the comics.

today i hear her rage at the laborious and long path of death.
today i hear her rage that my mother voted for Nixon.

today i hear her worry at me for my tears over her pain.
today i hear her worry at me to sit and rest. please!

today i remember the flutter as nurses and loved ones endeavor to make her comfortable.
today i remember the rastafari and the sailor with the machete bringing her comfort on a quay.

today i feel her peace as she promised me she knew we all loved her.
today i feel her peace as she promised me she loved me.

today i feel her sorrow for the children she must leave.
today i feel her sorrow at a child lost.

today i know she is in a better place.
today i know mine is a better world for having had her in it.

today i grieve over her death, my loss, but i rejoice again for this, her last birth.
today there are two minds but they support one another, complement one another.

3 comments:

Pam said...

So beautiful...

So true...

So shared by all who loved her...

Thank you for sharing and for speaking for all of us.

daughter pam

Jan said...

Dear Jackie: Your beautiful words touched my heart as always. Your beautiful grandma has found peace, and all of you may take solace in the many hours of care and love you gave her. I, too, am struggling as I try to help my 92-yr.-old mother accept her new role as the child, as I take on more and more the role of parent. We call her "Hurricane Dorothy" and "Mrs. McGoo" as she continues to hurtle through her life thinking she is as physically strong as before, yet so very changed by her deafness, unstable legs, and worst of all, eyes that simply cannot see. My worst fear is that I will wear out before she does. Tomorrow we go to Louisville to pick her up after evaluation at Our Lady Of Peace and return her to assisted living.
We hope the new meds have mellowed her anger at being on the earth too long to live as she pleases. She says, "God must believe I am too mean to be an angel." Ironically, she has alwasy been the one to sacrifice her wishes for others.

I only found out about the events of the summer and the journey with your grandma a few days ago. I found a page from the 1986 Readers' Digest in my mother's purse titled "Carillon of Prayer."
The following is from Sarum Primer:
"God be in my head, and in my understanding;God be in my eyes, and in my looking; God be in my heart, and in my thinking; God be at my end, and at my departing."

Wherever we are to hold another one's hand, God is there. Jan (Noble)

Jacqui said...

Jan:

thank you for the lovely and loving comment. you might remind your mom that perhaps God has found her such a good life teacher that he put the needs of the living over other things. it is too often that the ones we teach and the ones we help are not people that we recognize influencing...