half-truth

i have a problem. it is a little problem in the grand scheme of things but is my current one so... [shrug]

Thanksgiving did not go as well as hoped. in the end, the very end, things got worked out but first there was angst and drama and so on. then i was on to San Diego, which incidentally was wicked fun in its own way.

part of the trouble is that i received the written portion of my Prelim about two days ago, and the deadline for completing it was cut from 14 days to basically 8 days. for my part, the written version of the full grant proposal was due to committee yesterday. by chance, after all the above was already scheduled, i was also scheduled (non-negotiable) to present for the college on my ongoing research the day before the written Prelim portion is due and the ongoing stuff doesn't have anything to do with anything else. i just received the stats back for the ongoing stuff on Thanksgiving so i haven't had any ability to work on the presentation before now.

so.

in the next 6 days, i have to interpret all the stats on a 3 year project and put together a Powerpoint presentation on the results. in the next 7 days, i have to answer 4 questions for my Prelim exam, each of which requires realistically 2 weeks effort. after that deadline, i will have 3 days to put together the slides for the oral portion of my Prelim which i will sit on the 12th. right now, i feel the same trepidation and hopelessness one might experience while skating on an event horizon without a helmet.

so the actual 'problem' is much smaller. see, my boss knew a bit about the impending Thanksgiving challenges. for good reason, he was worried about me but he also is currently in Sweden. i suck at disingenuity but feel like talking about this mess with him won't help. so he has been asking questions that i have been talking around. the first several exchanges were easy as he asked content points as well. i simply only replied to the content, but with a distracted air like i just hadn't time to address non-pressing things. this is a technique i have learned from him so it is not surprising that he finally changed tactics. this is what has followed:

[him] I hope you survived Thanksgiving.
[me] barely but survived.

::couple vague skirting emails::

[me] you wouldn't let this go ahead if you thought i was going to humiliate myself, would you?
[him] I am extremely proud of you and have no doubt you will do your regular oustanding job!

:: long pause in emails while i was in travel. also, didn't really have anything else to say. sent the committee-wide email that the grant was in their boxes for review::

[him] Hope you recovering. Beautiful here but cat is sick as hell.
NB: cat is his wife, not an actual cat on holiday.
[me] dammit. stop slipping her Imuran for cryin' out loud.
[him] I'll try! But are you ok? Life is good!

so the problem is that i have to reply. as you can guess from the above, i am not okay. 80% of me wants to quit and run away to Central America or back to France, but i know that is mostly the depression talking. so i am again pushing through sheerly based on willpower and, frankly, i am doubtful i can pull this out. i have almost written back "well enough" but that still seems a lie. another option is to pretend i didn't get the email since he occasionally gets that report from others.



any suggestions?