that clanging from the ocean floor, its me

today in my committee meeting, we set the date for my PhD defense.

as soon as i left the meeting, i started to feel nauseous.

one would think this might have something to do with the two sets of letters... one of my committee members will be attending by teleconference. because the Final Examination Results form has to be turned in basically within a day, i have been instructed to send two sets of forms to Marty. he will then sign one set in the pass column and one set in the fail column and return them for use after the defense has been completed.

Tim, one of my other committee members, said we can celebrate if i pass by burning all the 'Fail' forms. i said, 'Sure. And then we can go scout around in the hallway for my stomach lining.'

realistically, i don't think this is why i feel the walls closing in on me. it is the combination of a ticking clock with outstanding lab results. the committee agreed on a Plan B dissertation structure in case the protein isolation is unrewarding, which is nice. it doesn't change my inability to write up the results and overarching conclusions until i know *something*. [did i mention that the machine used to sequence the protein is currently on the fritz?]

all in all, it is good to have a plan, good to have a framework of expectations...

still, i feel like a naval officer in a top secret nuclear submarine stranded on the ocean floor with 96 hours of oxygen and no one knowing that i am even missing.

[so that you can play along at home, i have installed a countdown timer in the right sidebar.]