hello flowas, hello CSU

hello flowas
Originally uploaded by jacquichris.

Whew. I did it! I survived my first day back.

Getting ready this morning, I felt uneasy in my skin, awkward and unfamiliar. Almost like I was returning to high school to visit after many years away. Fearful of being called out as the interloper I have become, terrified that I would arrive to find my brain dry and empty as the delta of the Rio Grande.

Walking in, looking about the halls, bustling with energy and purpose. A new crop of students darting about, unfamiliar faces everywhere. But here and there, suddenly, some of my 'juniors' from the fall, ace nurses and old hat interns! (Darn, the interns mature so quickly- missing four months is like missing half a lifetime of them! But how well they have aged, mellowed and sharpened.)

Hugs. So many hugs. Some moving in their familiarity. Some particularly dear in their rarity- like glimpsing a hidden glen or secretive woodland creature. I am humbled by the surfeit of caring, the generosity of spirit.

Back in the thick of things within the blink of an eye. I sit and focus in rounds, at first with difficulty then relax into the stories. For that is what rounds are–-exposition of the stories of animals and their people.

Suddenly I jerk, twitch intellectually. Before I can think to check myself, I am probing the students' thought processes. It is as if no time has passed. In a way like waking the citizens of Shenandoah. The students are confused at first and my clues are rusty, but it is consoling to know it is there, at least some of it, in my brain and knocking about.

Just a few minutes later, a page from the front. Welcome home! You are needed at the desk. Look! Homecoming flowers from Dave and Nancy (and Zane). So lovely but even more special in their thoughtfulness.

And I suddenly find myself believing my mantra of the past few days- Its going to all be alright. It really is.

Then back into the madness that is my daily world. A world I missed so very much as it is my vocation, my calling if you will.

The world of aggravating 'maybes' and 'could be or not' and 'that has been investigated but not proved either way'. The world of twelve inter-antagonizing problems per case, of hard calls and gut intuition.

The world of special critters and their loving humans, devoted students, caring and involved nurses and inspired clinicians. All in a slightly fraying, slightly underfinanced package.

Ah, home. So there you are. Right where I left you...