Monday, June 13, 2005

hello flowas, hello CSU

hello flowas
Originally uploaded by jacquichris.
Whew. I did it! I survived my first day back.

Getting ready this morning, I felt uneasy in my skin, awkward and unfamiliar. Almost like I was returning to high school to visit after many years away. Fearful of being called out as the interloper I have become, terrified that I would arrive to find my brain dry and empty as the delta of the Rio Grande.

Walking in, looking about the halls, bustling with energy and purpose. A new crop of students darting about, unfamiliar faces everywhere. But here and there, suddenly, some of my 'juniors' from the fall, ace nurses and old hat interns! (Darn, the interns mature so quickly- missing four months is like missing half a lifetime of them! But how well they have aged, mellowed and sharpened.)

Hugs. So many hugs. Some moving in their familiarity. Some particularly dear in their rarity- like glimpsing a hidden glen or secretive woodland creature. I am humbled by the surfeit of caring, the generosity of spirit.

Back in the thick of things within the blink of an eye. I sit and focus in rounds, at first with difficulty then relax into the stories. For that is what rounds are–-exposition of the stories of animals and their people.

Suddenly I jerk, twitch intellectually. Before I can think to check myself, I am probing the students' thought processes. It is as if no time has passed. In a way like waking the citizens of Shenandoah. The students are confused at first and my clues are rusty, but it is consoling to know it is there, at least some of it, in my brain and knocking about.

Just a few minutes later, a page from the front. Welcome home! You are needed at the desk. Look! Homecoming flowers from Dave and Nancy (and Zane). So lovely but even more special in their thoughtfulness.

And I suddenly find myself believing my mantra of the past few days- Its going to all be alright. It really is.

Then back into the madness that is my daily world. A world I missed so very much as it is my vocation, my calling if you will.

The world of aggravating 'maybes' and 'could be or not' and 'that has been investigated but not proved either way'. The world of twelve inter-antagonizing problems per case, of hard calls and gut intuition.

The world of special critters and their loving humans, devoted students, caring and involved nurses and inspired clinicians. All in a slightly fraying, slightly underfinanced package.

Ah, home. So there you are. Right where I left you...


Dave & Nancy Estes Park said...

Jacqui, we are so glad you liked the flowers, except they were all suppose to be sunflowers! I'll have a word with my florist. Glad day one was ok, hope you didn't get bothered too much last night being the back up Doc. Look forward to seeing you! Dave and I can't wait! The flowers were his idea by the way -- such a sweetie.
Nancy and Dave

Pam said...

What beautiful writing!

I couldn't be happier that you got so many hugs! Pretend you got some from me too!

Thank you for a beautiful article! It was a joy to read and share in your world.

Love, Mom

Jan said...

Welcome home, Jacqui! Step outside and breathe some wonderful Colorado air for me. It is our favorite state in the Central West to visit...many vacations have been spent there. We also have our M.A. degrees in Curriculum from University of N. Colorado via a connection with Trevecca here in Nashville back in the mid-1970's. We called it our Sears-Roebuck degree because the profs had to travel to us like being ordered from a catalogue. Our favorite prof was John Shelton from Ft. Collins.

These mixed feelings of joy for your return home and our loss because of your absence are so strange. However, thanks to cyberspace, you're really still with us. Wouldn't Thomas Edison and Alexander Graham Bell be totally zonked if they could come back for one day and see what real communications have become?

We know you are spreadig your special sunshine back where you belong, and that new "flowas" will spring forth. After living in a vise of fear for so many weeks, it is a joy for all of us to RE-joice in the return to normalcy. You also got out of Dodge just in time to avoid the dastardly heat and humidity of a middle Tenneessee summer. It's about time for us to find a place to run to, too.

Thank you for your inspiring words and give Dave and Nancy hugs all around. They are special people.
Keep us posted! Jan (N)

Jan said...

P.S. Do we pull up this blogspot with a particular web address other than the one we used for Pam's daily up-date? I am too new at this to figure it out. The address at the bottom of the sceen on Offshoots did not get me back to your blogspot. Jan (N)

Kel said...

Hi Pretty Lady!

So great to read that things are starting to become familiar again. Step by by day...

How sweet of you David and Nancy to send you flowers....but of course, that seems like something they would do, being the incredibly thoughtful people they are. Can't wait to meet them!

Many warm hugs and words of encouragement from Kel and Willie!

Much Love,